buying jeans

Somewhere in India, there’s a store that sells jeans. Your attendant is cheerful and helpful, offering you several options in your waist size—one blue, one black, one grey. You head for the fitting room, pleasantly surprised to have found so many options so quickly, so easily.

You try the first pair, the black one. At least, you try to try it. Your left foot fits easily halfway down the pant leg and then you hop around vigorously for about half a minute trying to worm your foot down to the cuff. The attendant’s voice floats into the dressing room.

“Sir, do you need assistance?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you. But the black one doesn’t fit.”

“Sir, it’s slim-fit.”

“Okay, yes, thank you.”

Why didn’t they tell you that before, you think to yourself.

Okay, now the second one, the blue one. Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. You get both legs in. You think about buttoning the waist and suck in your stomach. You get the button fastened but can’t close the fly. Sigh. You check the waist size and it’s correct.

“Sir, do you need assistance?”

“No, I’m fine. Is the blue one my size?”

“Yes, but this is Indian style, Sir. Trendy fashion. Like slim-fit.

“Well, is the grey one regular fit?”

“Yes sir.”

Okay, the third one. You climb out of the blue one, pick up the grey one and slip it on. Flat front, snug on the waist but not too tight. Comfortable round back but not too baggy. Full length but not drooping beneath the heel. You almost can’t believe it! It’s perfect!

“Sir, how does it fit?”

“This one is perfect!”

“Can I have a look?”

You open the door confidently and strut outside. It’s like you were born in these jeans.

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“Sir, please, sir. The fly, sir.”

You forgot to close the crotch! You look down and realise…there’s no zipper. Argh! It’s another button-fly jeans! You slump back to the dressing room, defeated by India, yet again.

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